Instantly distinguish between a schuss and a snowplough, a stem turn and a slalom, a sidecut and a side-slip. Bask in the admiration of your fellow skiers as you pronounce confidently on what to do and where to do it. Never claim that your skis have `blunt edges’ or that you just can’t get enough `flex’ in your ski boots (these are valid excuses for most forms of skiing ineptitude.) And never boast that you haven’t had a lesson in your life. This is ill-advised, not least because it invites the entirely legitimate retort: `Yes, it shows.’ Above all, effortlessly hold your own against those who have skiing in their DNA. Just don’t make the mistake of skiing with them.